Love comes first

“A team is not a group of people who work together. A team is a group of people who trust each other.” –Simon Sinek

I’m leading my congregation through the 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, an insight unveiled by business strategist Patrick Lencioni. I feel it is extremely important that everyone understands how to be unified. We hear about coming together all the time, but most of us don’t know the process behind connection. We can’t be a team, a community, a family, a church, a school, a business etc…without trusting one another. The first level of dysfunction in a team is the absence of trust. Life is so much harder trying to walk with people you don’t trust. I asked a hard question at Hungry 4 God Church over the weekend: What comes first, trust or love?

The room was torn in their response. About half agreed trust came first. The thought behind it was “if I can’t trust you I can’t ever learn to love you.”

The problem I find with that reasoning is this:

1.) How long will it take for the trust to be won? Do you know?

2.) Does that person know the standards that they have to reach in order to finally earn your trust?

I can guarantee the answer to both of those questions are no. If looking for trust over love is the basis to entering into relationship with people, then you are looking for perfection to create connection. You are saying within yourself that a person has to EARN your trust before you can love them. A person will have to do everything right in your sight in order to win a place of acceptance. If there are no perfect people, then this logic is not reasonable or acceptable. Only the people just like you will meet your standards. I think that’s a bit shallow.

Let’s consider the opposite view then. If we love people first, then we will find reasons to trust. We will expect the best from people instead of expecting the worst. If there are no perfect people, we won’t be surprised by their faults. We simply learn to love people as they are. And as we believe in them, and speak to them first and build connection first, a person then begins to put their trust in us.

You see that’s how trust is formed. Love! Let’s see what the early church apostle John shared about this.

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.” 1 John 4:16-17”

Notice how we learn to trust God. Believing in and receiving His love for us. When we know how much God loves us, our trust is PUT in His love. Friends, the only way you can win a person’s trust is by loving them. And it is then and only then that you can expect to find their trust of you in return. If you’re waiting for people to never fail you before you can trust them, then you’re failing at loving them.

If you’re waiting for people to never fail you before you trust them, then you’re failing at loving them!

Love goes before trust! That’s how you’ll find the trust you’re looking for.

What makes it hard to love is fear. So what you need to find is the COURAGE to love people around you despite of your fear of mistrust. Tomorrow I’ll speak a little more about the courage to love. But today, I want you realize that you are to be a lover first. That’s how God made you.

Practical steps

  1. Take time today to just allow your heart and mind to focus on how loved you are by God. Focus your attention there. The only way to love people more is to know more about God’s love for you.
  2. Challenge yourself to see the best in people instead of the worst. Love is a choice. For every negative thought, consider two positives.

2 thoughts on “Love comes first

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