Does perfection exist? If I ask this question mostly everyone will say no. Yet it is an ideal that we all still look for. We look for the perfect dress. The perfect slice of pizza. The perfect one for me. The perfect barber or beautician. The perfect church. The perfect parent. We have a craving for that which is perfect. How do we know something is “perfect”? The way it makes us feel? The way it meets our needs? How beautiful it is? We believe that although nothing is perfect for everyone, we believe something may be perfect FOR us. We personalize perfection. Which means perfection lies in the eye of the beholder.
Perfection lies in our perception!
The source of stress and the root of feeling rejected comes from the desire to be perfect enough for someone. Rejection sets in when you feel you haven’t met someone’s perception of perfection. There is a lot of pressure out there for you to be perfect. Your parents want you to be the perfect child. Your boss wants you to be the perfect employee. Your staff wants you to be the perfect leader. Every decision you make, every talk you give, the burden is on you to make no mistakes. But make no mistake about it…you’ll never be perfect enough for people!
Stop looking for perfection in people. People will fail to meet all of your expectations and so will you fail to meet theirs. People will not agree with everything about you. People will not always be there for you and neither will you always be there for someone else. The more we accept this, the more we will also learn to be at peace. We will make the people around us also feel at peace because the pressure is off them to not pretend to be perfect. Our kids will find it easier to talk to us because they will feel mom or dad understands. Our staff will seek to go over and beyond because they realize they can actually achieve the goals set for them.
What if your problem isn’t your problem but the way you see your problems are the problem? What if you always seem to find yourself in toxic relationships or working with untrustworthy business partners because your definition of perfection is wrong? Remember perfection is just in our perception. You can never know if a person is perfect just by what you see on the outside. You have to see and know their heart.
Here are some ways to perceive people differently and make better decisions:
1.) What are your standards or values?
Do you know what YOU stand for? What are your values? What values do you live out of? I have a list of over 100 values I live from and make decisions out of. If I ever move from any of those standards to accommodate someone else, I am conflicted internally and lose my sense of peace. It amazes me how many people I meet that are looking for the perfect people to embark in relationships with and they don’t even know what they are looking for. You must know yourself well enough to know another person well.
2.) What are their standards or values?
A vision requires standards to be fulfilled. A person must value your vision and share your standards to be perfect for a role. This even goes into marriage. I knew my wife was perfect for me not because of her adorable looks or her beautifully long natural hair that reached her hips…but because her standards matched my vision for the rest of my life.
3.) Listen to their heart with their words.
One of the easiest ways to hack a person’s motives is by listening to them speak. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What is the theme of their heart? What do they seem to bring up often? I like to listen to buzz words to identify what’s important to a person I am speaking with. If the nature of their conversation matches what you like, they will be perfect for you.
Bonus: View their social media page. You can learn the type of person that individual is presenting themselves to be from their posts. What image are they painting? A God-fearing man or woman for example will have God, Jesus, faith or some form of spirituality on their page. As the saying goes, when a person shows you who they are, believe them.
Share this post to a perfectionist you know 🙂